December Blues

Another visit to the doctor resulted in another increase in my medication. I now take the 225mg dose. The pill is larger than an M&M which worried me at first because I am not a good pill taker the larger the pills get. But I am able to get this one down with ease. Must be the slick coating.
I still do not sleep the best but it is getting better. I don't use the mouthguard much anymore unless my teeth start to hurt. The first three days I did have achey headaches that are minimal in pain but cover the entire head. I've been able to get through most of them without the use of Advil. Only 1 day did I take Advil but that was because I was at working staring at the computer screen and I took one so it wouldn't get worse.
I am sleeping only a few hours at a time but I go right back to sleep after a few minutes of awakeness. Before I would be awake for a half hour or more. So this is good. However, I am finding that I am more sleepy in the mornings and am finding it harder to get out of bed.

In other news, I did fill out more job applications and did have one job interview. I loved the job description but they had a list a mile long of people that they interviewed so I don't think I will get it. It's sad because for every 10 job applications filled out, I only get one phone call.

My Temp job ends Dec. 30. If I don't know I have a job at that date then my world completely ends as I know it. This makes me worried as this might cause a worsening of my depression. I found that if I am left all alone with no one else around, I have episodes of increased depressive attitude & behaviors. So... people are good to be around so having a job is also important for that reason.

I think my Christmas shopping is done. I still need to wrap some presents. I didn't do much decorating this year. I don't even have any nutcrackers out. Now that is insane! I have the tree out and some lights outside on the porch & bushes. But I wasn't picky this year so it doesn't look the best. It's almost like going through the actions without really having the joy. There is a Christmas song like that... it goes like this:

"Where Are You Christmas"

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love