I had a rough night sleeping again but I finally slept 6 hours in a row! Now, the hours were not in the proper place but it was 6 hours! I feel good because that alone is an accomplishment! Now I have to get the 6 hours to be AT NIGHT! I slept from 6am to Noon today. I need it to be like Midnight to 6am though. I will keep working on that!
Other than that the only news I have to report is that my temp job ended. I am now on what I'm going to call "vacation" because that sounds much nicer than "unemployed". Plus it's more positive that I WILL find a job and hopefully by the end of January. I filled out more job applications and am hoping to hear my phone ring. Gotta stay positive.
Today I had no plans but I have thought about starting working on cleaning the basement room to get ready to put a space heater down there so when we get around to painting, it won't be soooo cold down there so the paint will stick and dry. OR cleaning one of the girls bedrooms upstairs and sorting through their clothes. Bag up old ones for a garage sale in the spring or find hand me downs ... the girls always love it when we do this... not.
I will blog again next year! Until then, stay safe!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
December Blues
Another visit to the doctor resulted in another increase in my medication. I now take the 225mg dose. The pill is larger than an M&M which worried me at first because I am not a good pill taker the larger the pills get. But I am able to get this one down with ease. Must be the slick coating.
I still do not sleep the best but it is getting better. I don't use the mouthguard much anymore unless my teeth start to hurt. The first three days I did have achey headaches that are minimal in pain but cover the entire head. I've been able to get through most of them without the use of Advil. Only 1 day did I take Advil but that was because I was at working staring at the computer screen and I took one so it wouldn't get worse.
I am sleeping only a few hours at a time but I go right back to sleep after a few minutes of awakeness. Before I would be awake for a half hour or more. So this is good. However, I am finding that I am more sleepy in the mornings and am finding it harder to get out of bed.
In other news, I did fill out more job applications and did have one job interview. I loved the job description but they had a list a mile long of people that they interviewed so I don't think I will get it. It's sad because for every 10 job applications filled out, I only get one phone call.
My Temp job ends Dec. 30. If I don't know I have a job at that date then my world completely ends as I know it. This makes me worried as this might cause a worsening of my depression. I found that if I am left all alone with no one else around, I have episodes of increased depressive attitude & behaviors. So... people are good to be around so having a job is also important for that reason.
I think my Christmas shopping is done. I still need to wrap some presents. I didn't do much decorating this year. I don't even have any nutcrackers out. Now that is insane! I have the tree out and some lights outside on the porch & bushes. But I wasn't picky this year so it doesn't look the best. It's almost like going through the actions without really having the joy. There is a Christmas song like that... it goes like this:
"Where Are You Christmas"
Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too
Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time
I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love
I still do not sleep the best but it is getting better. I don't use the mouthguard much anymore unless my teeth start to hurt. The first three days I did have achey headaches that are minimal in pain but cover the entire head. I've been able to get through most of them without the use of Advil. Only 1 day did I take Advil but that was because I was at working staring at the computer screen and I took one so it wouldn't get worse.
I am sleeping only a few hours at a time but I go right back to sleep after a few minutes of awakeness. Before I would be awake for a half hour or more. So this is good. However, I am finding that I am more sleepy in the mornings and am finding it harder to get out of bed.
In other news, I did fill out more job applications and did have one job interview. I loved the job description but they had a list a mile long of people that they interviewed so I don't think I will get it. It's sad because for every 10 job applications filled out, I only get one phone call.
My Temp job ends Dec. 30. If I don't know I have a job at that date then my world completely ends as I know it. This makes me worried as this might cause a worsening of my depression. I found that if I am left all alone with no one else around, I have episodes of increased depressive attitude & behaviors. So... people are good to be around so having a job is also important for that reason.
I think my Christmas shopping is done. I still need to wrap some presents. I didn't do much decorating this year. I don't even have any nutcrackers out. Now that is insane! I have the tree out and some lights outside on the porch & bushes. But I wasn't picky this year so it doesn't look the best. It's almost like going through the actions without really having the joy. There is a Christmas song like that... it goes like this:
"Where Are You Christmas"
Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too
Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time
I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
another week
It has been a week now since my meds were doubled. I have not experienced any major problems. Still not sleeping well. I bought a new pillow to try. Then I thought that when I sleep I put a lot of pressure on my chin and my teeth hurt some so I also got a mouth guard. I slept a little better but still not the best. Last night I slept on the couch with my pillow and I forgot the mouth guard but it was the best night sleep I have had so far... but I did wake up several times while changing positions, but I went right back to sleep. This is good. Hoping for even better sleep soon.
At work I have been plugging my headset into the radio on the next desk. I've been listening to Christmas music the last two days. Much better than some of the stuff the kids have on their and my iPods. I heard a song about Christmas in Iowa. It was interesting.
I've been walking the dog almost every night after work. It's getting colder so our walks are getting even shorter.
John and I are going to work on a project. We are going to make the room at the bottom of the basement stairs into a workout room. Bring the treadmill and weight bench in there. Plus the mats and balance and exercise balls. It will be good for this winter for all of us.
I have been searching websites for jobs. Applied for a couple but have heard nothing.
Will keep trying since my job ends in Dec. Gotta have a new job... soon.
At work I have been plugging my headset into the radio on the next desk. I've been listening to Christmas music the last two days. Much better than some of the stuff the kids have on their and my iPods. I heard a song about Christmas in Iowa. It was interesting.
I've been walking the dog almost every night after work. It's getting colder so our walks are getting even shorter.
John and I are going to work on a project. We are going to make the room at the bottom of the basement stairs into a workout room. Bring the treadmill and weight bench in there. Plus the mats and balance and exercise balls. It will be good for this winter for all of us.
I have been searching websites for jobs. Applied for a couple but have heard nothing.
Will keep trying since my job ends in Dec. Gotta have a new job... soon.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Doctor part 2
I am continueing from the earlier post.
So... since that post my medication was double twice.
I experienced headaches at the changes. I dont have headaches now. I experiece a hard time sleeping. I sleep for only a couple hours at a time and then sleep very lightly. I bought a new pillow in hopes that helps. I am sleeping a little better with it, but not a total good nights sleep yet. I also experience a physical difference with output that I will not mention here. I am also experiencing a HUGE appetite.... but when I eat, I get the sensation that I don't want to eat so then I actually eat very little.
Part of my doctor's suggestion is that I take our dog on walks. So I have been doing that. It has been good for her and me. But it's getting colder so our walks are getting shorter.
My labs mostly came back mainly normal. That which was not normal were:
Glucose Fast - high at 101 (normal 70 - 100)
Potassium was high at 409 (normal 3.6 - 4.8)
neut was high at 74.3 (normal 50 - 70)
lymph was low at 18.4 (normal 25 - 40)
The only thing he was concerned about was the Glucose. He said he wanted to watch that but thought it would be ok. He just said to maintain or loose some weight.
I was a bit concerned about lymph as it seemed farther out of normal range than anything but he said that it was fine.
So the good news is that I lost 6 lbs. in 2 weeks. No, that's not much but it has stayed off. Usually I lose weight and it comes right back.
My temp job ends in December. So I have been online looking for a new job.
Some days are still hard. I can get emotional at the slightest thing but its sadness... but irritability is better.
I am not alone in this fight with myself. Jason has been good with helping me stand in the rain.
So... since that post my medication was double twice.
I experienced headaches at the changes. I dont have headaches now. I experiece a hard time sleeping. I sleep for only a couple hours at a time and then sleep very lightly. I bought a new pillow in hopes that helps. I am sleeping a little better with it, but not a total good nights sleep yet. I also experience a physical difference with output that I will not mention here. I am also experiencing a HUGE appetite.... but when I eat, I get the sensation that I don't want to eat so then I actually eat very little.
Part of my doctor's suggestion is that I take our dog on walks. So I have been doing that. It has been good for her and me. But it's getting colder so our walks are getting shorter.
My labs mostly came back mainly normal. That which was not normal were:
Glucose Fast - high at 101 (normal 70 - 100)
Potassium was high at 409 (normal 3.6 - 4.8)
neut was high at 74.3 (normal 50 - 70)
lymph was low at 18.4 (normal 25 - 40)
The only thing he was concerned about was the Glucose. He said he wanted to watch that but thought it would be ok. He just said to maintain or loose some weight.
I was a bit concerned about lymph as it seemed farther out of normal range than anything but he said that it was fine.
So the good news is that I lost 6 lbs. in 2 weeks. No, that's not much but it has stayed off. Usually I lose weight and it comes right back.
My temp job ends in December. So I have been online looking for a new job.
Some days are still hard. I can get emotional at the slightest thing but its sadness... but irritability is better.
I am not alone in this fight with myself. Jason has been good with helping me stand in the rain.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Doctor.
I visited the doctor due to depression and irritabilty issues.
He put me on an anti-depressant medication called Venlafaxine. Venlafaxine is in a class of medications called selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). It works by increasing the amounts of serotonin and norepinephrine, natural substances in the brain that help maintain mental balance.
More info later...
He put me on an anti-depressant medication called Venlafaxine. Venlafaxine is in a class of medications called selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). It works by increasing the amounts of serotonin and norepinephrine, natural substances in the brain that help maintain mental balance.
More info later...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
SUPER Songs
I have a new group that I like... well, I think it's a group.
It's SUPERCHICK!
Now, you might think that's crazy. Well, go ahead and think that but they have some pretty good songs. Three of my favorites are "Courage," "Stand in the Rain", and "Hey, Hey".
You can click the links (or maybe you have to cut and paste) below to hear them.
"Courage" is a song about anorexia, however, it can be applied to other illnesses. I think it applies really well to how a person feels with Depression. Just change the one line of lyrics about not remembering when decided not to eat to... owh... not remembering the first time discovered feeling sad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2MemtgASVA
"Hey, Hey" is a song I just like because it sticks it to the people who I have grown so tired of dealing with in my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQYMYSs3pV8&feature=related
Stand In The Rain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZjRMa7Pmj4&feature=related
Enjoy!
It's SUPERCHICK!
Now, you might think that's crazy. Well, go ahead and think that but they have some pretty good songs. Three of my favorites are "Courage," "Stand in the Rain", and "Hey, Hey".
You can click the links (or maybe you have to cut and paste) below to hear them.
"Courage" is a song about anorexia, however, it can be applied to other illnesses. I think it applies really well to how a person feels with Depression. Just change the one line of lyrics about not remembering when decided not to eat to... owh... not remembering the first time discovered feeling sad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2MemtgASVA
"Hey, Hey" is a song I just like because it sticks it to the people who I have grown so tired of dealing with in my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQYMYSs3pV8&feature=related
Stand In The Rain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZjRMa7Pmj4&feature=related
Enjoy!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
What do you do?
What do you do when things are blue for you?
What do you do when you know what you want to do, but can't?
What do you do when life doesn't go the way you want it to?
What do you do when people you think are friends, really aren't?
What do you do when you want to sleep but can't?
What do you do when your mind is racing and you can't stop it?
What do you do when you loose control of situations?
What do you do when you just can't be you?
What do you do when you know what you want to do, but can't?
What do you do when life doesn't go the way you want it to?
What do you do when people you think are friends, really aren't?
What do you do when you want to sleep but can't?
What do you do when your mind is racing and you can't stop it?
What do you do when you loose control of situations?
What do you do when you just can't be you?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Being Injured... changing directions
Being injured at work sucks.
July 11 I got hurt at work. I woke up July 12 in lots of pain, I woke up July 13, not being able to get out of bed on my own. My lower back was causing me so much pain. My neck and left shoulder hurt bad too.
So I went to a doctor that work sent me to. Some x-rays and 3 drugs later I went home. I felt better three days later. Well, my lower back pain disapperaed. I think the lower back pain was covering the pain of the shoulder area because the shoulder continued to hurt. Old injury made worse... and it keeps hanging on.
Today was the first day that I woke up that my shoulder didn't hurt. Now, it's not 100%, but it didn't hurt. I still felt tingling and a bruised feeling. Will that ever go away?
The doc wants me to do Physical Therapy and come back in 2 weeks. He said PT would call and set up some times. Yet, they haven't called to set me up with any PT yet. Two weeks are ticking away quickly.
I am thinking more and more that I have to get out of this career, move into something above this. I can't take much more pain. I can't take being injured from my work.
I am taking Physiology during the fall semester at DMACC. I am nervous because I haven't been to school in awhile and looking through the teacher's notes, it's gonna be hard. I paid for the class with money that should've been used to pay bills. I also obviously bought the teacher's notes. I have to wait to buy the books on the 19th. Class starts the 26th.
Nothing easy is worth doing. I know. Perhaps I need to look at this as something I have to do. I am going to get totally exhausted between August and December with work, school, and traveling for Alexis' cheer competitions.
I know I can do this... just wish me luck. ;-)
July 11 I got hurt at work. I woke up July 12 in lots of pain, I woke up July 13, not being able to get out of bed on my own. My lower back was causing me so much pain. My neck and left shoulder hurt bad too.
So I went to a doctor that work sent me to. Some x-rays and 3 drugs later I went home. I felt better three days later. Well, my lower back pain disapperaed. I think the lower back pain was covering the pain of the shoulder area because the shoulder continued to hurt. Old injury made worse... and it keeps hanging on.
Today was the first day that I woke up that my shoulder didn't hurt. Now, it's not 100%, but it didn't hurt. I still felt tingling and a bruised feeling. Will that ever go away?
The doc wants me to do Physical Therapy and come back in 2 weeks. He said PT would call and set up some times. Yet, they haven't called to set me up with any PT yet. Two weeks are ticking away quickly.
I am thinking more and more that I have to get out of this career, move into something above this. I can't take much more pain. I can't take being injured from my work.
I am taking Physiology during the fall semester at DMACC. I am nervous because I haven't been to school in awhile and looking through the teacher's notes, it's gonna be hard. I paid for the class with money that should've been used to pay bills. I also obviously bought the teacher's notes. I have to wait to buy the books on the 19th. Class starts the 26th.
Nothing easy is worth doing. I know. Perhaps I need to look at this as something I have to do. I am going to get totally exhausted between August and December with work, school, and traveling for Alexis' cheer competitions.
I know I can do this... just wish me luck. ;-)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Quotes...
"And it's me who is my enemy, me who beats me up, me who makes the monsters, me who strips my confidence, and it's me who is too weak, and it's me who is too shy to ask for the thing I love."
Life is cruel and unfair, my friends, and that is fact.
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
"It's just when you want... no when you need people to be there for you, They're not.. they're like a million miles away And when you think somoene is totally reliable and trustworthy and you've built your whole life around them and then it turns out they were never that person."
I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. -- Dr. Seuss
Life is cruel and unfair, my friends, and that is fact.
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
"It's just when you want... no when you need people to be there for you, They're not.. they're like a million miles away And when you think somoene is totally reliable and trustworthy and you've built your whole life around them and then it turns out they were never that person."
I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. -- Dr. Seuss
Sunday, April 25, 2010
In case you were wondering..
Where did I get the "I have a voice."
I got it after hearing this song in a movie a long time ago and it kindof stuck inmy brain and so I just decided to use something close to it:
I am one voice and I am singing
I am one voice and I am singing
I am one voice and I am singing
I am not alone
We are two voices we are singing
We are two voices we are singing
We are two voices we are singing
We are not alone
We are a hundred voices singing
We are a hundred voices singing
We are a hundred voices singing
We are not alone
We are a thousand voices singing
We are a thousand voices singing
We are a thousand voices singing
We are not alone
We are a million voices singing
We are a million voices singing
We are a million voices singing
We are not alone
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am not alone
I got it after hearing this song in a movie a long time ago and it kindof stuck inmy brain and so I just decided to use something close to it:
I am one voice and I am singing
I am one voice and I am singing
I am one voice and I am singing
I am not alone
We are two voices we are singing
We are two voices we are singing
We are two voices we are singing
We are not alone
We are a hundred voices singing
We are a hundred voices singing
We are a hundred voices singing
We are not alone
We are a thousand voices singing
We are a thousand voices singing
We are a thousand voices singing
We are not alone
We are a million voices singing
We are a million voices singing
We are a million voices singing
We are not alone
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am one voice and I'll keep singing
I am not alone
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